SOLAR PARK SUFFERS SPILL

The Denver Federal Center (DFC) was committed to becoming the greenest and most energy-sustainable campus in the United States by the year 2020. To help meet this goal, the DFC Solar Park was built.

But yesterday it was reported that the energy producing system has suffered a catastrophic failure. The accident at the facility has caused a sunlight spill, possibly the greatest in this nation's history.

Most of Colorado's energy comes from coal-burning plants. Other sources that are used throughout the state include oil, nuclear power, hydro power and wind.

Because Colorado has an average of 300 sunny days each year, solar energy was previously thought to be an alternative. But with the massive, possibly devastating amount of sunshine being leaked into the state, many are re-thinking the future of solar energy in this country.

Scientists are scrambling desperately to try to stop the flow of sunlight, but so far there efforts have all fallen short.

One-half-term-governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, was among the first to step up to the microphone to speak out. (Actually, a tourist happened to turn on his video camera to record his daughter eating ice cream as Palin was within a half mile, and she simply seemed to magically appear in front of it.)

"I've been speaking out against sunlight which allegedly comes from the Sun and in favor of oil, which as we all know comes from the dinosaurs who walked the earth at the time of our Lord, Jesus Christ... and also I'm in favor exploring the possibility of exploring the possible use, y'know, of wind energy... for kites and such and also for... jobs. And also we must listen to the people all across this great land, in the little towns I like to call real America where people are speaking out at our Tea Party Rallies... and also are saying 'Blow, Baby! Blow!' at our rallies and book signings."

Linguists and gibberish experts are currently analyzing the former vice presidential candidate's remarks.

Colorado voters were the first in the nation to pass a statewide renewable energy requirement in 2004. But Colorado is now facing boycotts similar to those levied against the state of Arizona in reaction to it's 1950s retro immigration law if the leaking sunshine begins to enter neighboring states.

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Wildlife is already being affected by the spill. Otters and other creatures are already being reported to have been covered with sunshine. The long-term effects are not known at this time. But it is believed that if the leak is not contained, animal and plant life may continue to thrive.